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Literature Text
step up, son
to the chakra board
write your name
three things
about you
and now
you're someone else
and the problems
you carry
crush you
step to
the front of the class
eat the frog
the fetal pig
within you screams
pin me down to
wax, i curl
like the skin
that god meant
for someone else
maybe yours
you're someone else
and the problems
you carry
crush you
to the chakra board
write your name
three things
about you
and now
you're someone else
and the problems
you carry
crush you
step to
the front of the class
eat the frog
the fetal pig
within you screams
pin me down to
wax, i curl
like the skin
that god meant
for someone else
maybe yours
you're someone else
and the problems
you carry
crush you
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NaPoWriMo April 17, 2014
Three things about me- typed in invisible ink:
© 2014 - 2024 BlackBowfin
Comments5
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I love the idea (and the wordplay) of the "chakra board", which almost seems to steal your essence through the things you write on it and arbitrarily assign someone else's to you. I get both the image of a two-sided chalkboard with a direct swap and thousands of people all writing on thousands of boards and some great exchange occurring.
You carry the school theme subtly and well. It runs throughout, but doesn't dominate. That and the repetition of the lines "you're someone else / and the problems / you carry / crush you" really tie the poem together. You have a great sense of unity in all of your work, I've noticed.
step to
the front of the class
eat the frog
the fetal pig
within you screams
This is a great example of where your grammatical omission really starts to work for you. It's a deeply disturbing stanza, and I'm not sure which puts me off more; the idea of eating both the pig and the frog while there are screams within you (read "eat the frog, the fetal pig. Within you, screams.") or that there is a fetal pig inside you (read "eat the frog. The fetal pig within you screams.")
All in all, great piece.You have a voice through all your works that is strong enough to be recognizable, but versatile enough not to get stale. Looking forward to more.
You carry the school theme subtly and well. It runs throughout, but doesn't dominate. That and the repetition of the lines "you're someone else / and the problems / you carry / crush you" really tie the poem together. You have a great sense of unity in all of your work, I've noticed.
step to
the front of the class
eat the frog
the fetal pig
within you screams
This is a great example of where your grammatical omission really starts to work for you. It's a deeply disturbing stanza, and I'm not sure which puts me off more; the idea of eating both the pig and the frog while there are screams within you (read "eat the frog, the fetal pig. Within you, screams.") or that there is a fetal pig inside you (read "eat the frog. The fetal pig within you screams.")
All in all, great piece.You have a voice through all your works that is strong enough to be recognizable, but versatile enough not to get stale. Looking forward to more.